8 months later

Hello blog how are you doing? It's been some time since we talk and share our feelings so I thought 8 months have been enough time. The last time we got together I was getting a LVAD which meant open heart surgery. At that time I had in mind that I might not see you again only because you never know during the whole thing but luckily I have great doctors who care and took there time to make sure everything went well and then there were my family and friends who waited in the waiting room and many others who were praying for me and the doctors during the surgery and you know what I felt each and one of them because it gave me a reason to fight spiritual while they work on me. And last but least the Angels who waited beside me giving me comfort and making me be in peace with my fear meter at the time was super high. I can tell you those family members you lose on earth really never leave they are always watching over us during the good and bad. I imagine before they told me to count down from 100 I felt my grandma touch my hand and say into my ear "don't worry grandma is here"

The moment I woke up everything felt unreal I was totally out of it all the way to the point I have ask my family who was in the room "was this a dream" not knowing what was going on because I was in super pain still from the surgery the first few days were hard on me maybe the toughest time in my life because I was able to breath normally or move like I was use and the pain was no other I remember before the surgery they have told me I will undue pain like no other almost comparing it to getting hit by a semi truck and you know what I've never got hit by one and will never wish for anyone to but wow it hurt like hell lol!!!... I could remember the first few days I could feel a pain on my rib that would stop me from walking so whenever they came in to have me walk I was only able to get out the bed and walk to the door before the pain would put a stop to my body. After a week I was in I was able to fight off the pain and walk around a few times and then was able to give myself a wash up and even pee on my own :-) you know you never know how you take things for granted when you can't do what your use to. The time I was in the hospital was rough a lot of crying and praying and hating the people who brought this on me. But I remember no matter how tough it is I will never do it alone because my support system is like no other.  I know I could give it my all day after day and if there came a time I wasn't able to fight I could count on on my family and friends to pick me and hold me and do the fighting for me and that I appreciate everyone who have supported me.

The first few weeks back home was awful because it was hard to sleep with all the pain I was still in and at time it was still tough to breath but the machine seem to be working well. Each month past by I was getting stronger and healthier and that much closer to be getting a heart. Just a few months ago it mark 3 years I've been waiting on a heart and till this day it still feel unreal I could remember a time in my life I felt so free and now I feel so handcuff with a wire coming out of me. For the past 8 months I had plenty of up and downs because of the things that has been taken from me because of all this like taking a shower or playing basketball or even rolling over in bed and not feeling like I'm rapped up in my own wires but even tho all this happen I keep a positive attitude about life because I tell myself no matter how hard I think I might have it someone out there in the world will always have it harder then me. So blog I say we could do this and we will never give up..