Ups and downs

So it's been like 3 weeks since I've been carrying this IV beg around and it's driving me Nut.. A handful of times I keep forgetting that I have it with me and walk away from it and BooM! It hits the floor or how about when I'm sleeping and rap myself up with the cords. I'm scared that it could get caught around my neck someday and there I go. Last weekend was crazy with people dying around me and not one page so it got me to think am I wrong for thinking that way.. I catch myself hoping for death more and more and I really feel I should not wish anyone death. Watched a show yesterday and he had a lady who had the same heart problem as me and she got a heart after a long wait.. At the time it gave me hope to see a person with the same problem and during so well with her life afterwards. She was hiking and ice skating and living life the best she could after 6 months of receiving the new one. And then it all came full circle when she had died from a car wracked.. So it opened my eyes by letting me know you can go anytime or anyway.

But with all that going on I have no chose to stay positive and keep my eyes on the prize.. My plan is to stay on the path I have ahead and don't look back. Long term the IV beg will give me longer life and help me fulfill my dream and that's to be the best person I can.