6 months wait

It's been 6 months since I was put on the heart transplant list bcuz of my enlarge heart and it feels like a life time. During that time there been a lot of up and downs and i only believe it want get any easier. Within the past 6 months I've been in the hospital for a total of 6 weeks and it's only been two weeks since I was there last..

They say to get though times like this you need a lot of strong people around you at all time if not physically at least in your heart. I'm grateful to have such a strong backbone. Family has been a big part of my life over there years I wouldn't know what I'll do without them.

It's kinda hard to think about how all this came about or even that I have been living with this my whole life. I've always told myself I don't want anything to do with the Man that gave me life but with this bad heart I now know I have no chose. Its been a tough road this year and the longer I have to wait for a New Heart it only gets worst. I try not to worry or think about everything but it seems to be always in the back of my mind. I know Hate is a strong word but I have no clue what else to use for the way I feel about my Father. Over the 29 years I only met the man less then 5 times and I felt I tried to give him the chance since I was the first of many kids he have and now I feel dumb..

My Little brother died in Feb and my Father just a few weeks after that of the same heart problem so you can understand why I'm very scared and fear for my life. I don't believe there has been a time I was scared or had fear in my life and I lived a crazy and strange life. But I know I have to stay strong and never stop believing that my life has only started..